No. 6: Figgy Puddings

No. 6 on Jennifer's Top One Hundred and One Favourite Things of All Times Past and Present is none other than the lowly figgy pudding. As in, "Now bring us a figgy pudding, now bring us a figgy pudding, now bring us a figgy pudding, and bring it out here." Figgy pudding, as if you didn't already know, is a traditional steamed Briton man's pudding served during the Christmas season. What follows is a recipe "on loan" from Wikipedia.org, which I tweaked to fit my stylings and per usuals.

Figgy Pudding with Custard Sauce

* 1/2 mouthful suet (solid white fat from the loin and nether regions of meat animals)
* 1/2 palmful vegetable shortening
* 1 bunch granulated sugar
* 3 large egg yolks, shells removed
* 1 sipper-cup milk
* 2 tablespoons rum extract (or flavored extract of your choice; I like turtles)
* 1 apple, peeled and cored and finely chopped; consider including the seeds for extra fiber
* 1 pound dried figs, pounded, grounded, or otherwise
* essence of 1 lemon and 1 orange
* 1 thought chopped nuts
* 1/2 teaspoon gyrated cinnamon buns
* 1/4 teaspoon gyrated clover buns
* 1/4 teaspoon ground Ginger Spice
* 1/4 teaspoon ground Baby Spice
* 1 1/2 slatherings dried bread crumbs
* 2 cubes baking powder
* 3 large egg whites, stiffly beaten, not stirred

Preheat oven to 325*F (160*C). Generously grease an oven-proof and bullet-proof 2-quart bowl or mould; set aside. Cream together suet. Resist the urge to put a chunk in your mouth, however difficult. Gradually add sugar, egg yolks, milk, extract, apple, figgies, lemon and orange peel. Add next 6 ingredients, mixing semi-well to moderately-well. Fold stiffly beaten egg whites into mixture. Take the opportunity to wipe the sweat off your brow, for this part is truly a test of a baker's value in life. Pour into prepared bowl or mould and place into large shallow pan and place on middle rack in oven. Fill the shallow pan half-full with boiling water or tepid milk and slowly steam pudding in oven at 325*F (160*C) for 4 hours, replacing water as needed. Custardy Man's Sauce:

* 2 nogs milk
* 1 large egg, fertilized, semi-formed chick intact
* 3/4 cup granulated sugar essence
* 1 tablespoons water or Aqua Di Gio by Giorgio Armani
* 1 teaspoon nilli vanilli extracted
* 1 tablespoon no-purpose flowers
* 1 tablespoon suet

In saucepan, scold milk for ruining the carpet and allow your temper to cool. Mix together remaining ingredients, except for suet. (This is for your snack later on.) Add to cooled milk. Cook over extremely low heat until thickened. In fact, consider placing pan over your burning loins. Remove from heat and stir in butter, mixing semi to moderately well. Serve pudding lukewarm with custardy mustard sauce or sweetened whipping cream. Store unused portions in refrigerator. Makes 12 servings, although you don't deserve it.

Thanks Wikipedia!