Champion Mofos

This one goes out to my gurl Justine.  You rock!  Also, you are one intimidating mofo.  With your black tape on your inner thighs and your cold sores and your industrial-strength one-hander backhand swing.  None of which are shown in the above picture, by the way.  Hmm, I guess I should change that or something.

And speaking of mofos with menacing personas, Andy Murray has made it to men's single finals.  Will he take on that Tsonga fellow or the grand-slammiest of them all, Roger Federererer?  We shall soon find out, won't we.  I'm hoping for Murray vs. R.Fed, and then Murray for the title.  Your thoughts?

Sure is frightening, isn't he?  I wonder if he qualifies as an ogre.  He's British, after all.  Maybe an ogre battling manorexia.

The Lust List

As you all know, my b-day is heretofore a-coming. Ya betta believe it, nephew! As such is the appropriate thing one does when one's b-day is approaching, I recently posted my modest, my unpretentious, my scantily-clad, wish list on my evil step-sister blog. While you could get me any of the measly items I've listed there, you could truly tickle me pink by gifting me with any (or all) of the following. I present to you, the Lust List.




Bremont's ALT1-C watches in black/black or brown/cream.  Mmmm, cream.






Mother eff, I want an Apple iPad.  Is that too too much to ask?





The Jaguar XF, but in that totes awesome shiny brown.






Justin Bieber.  Just one time, baby.  Then there would be one less lonely girl.  (Get it?  I used his titles in the previous two sentences.  See if you can spot them.  Go on.)




I tell you, this list is making my cake all moisty right now.  More to follow, but that's all for now.

Dream on, my friends. Dream on.

2010, I Heart U

Wow. Two-thousand and nine (2009, for those of you who, like myself, have difficulty reading spellt-out numbers) was horrendous. Bloggings-wise, at least. In comparison, 2008 saw thirty three (33) postings from myself whereas 2009 saw a measly three posts. To that--nay, to me, I say "Boo!" and direct my downwards turned thumb at the scum bag staring at me from the mirror.

It's 2010 now, so I say "Bygones!" to the 2009 me. I think this year will be awesomeness, to say the least. This year, you see, will be the year of many firsts and many lasts. Intrigued, are you? Then let's do this:

FIRSTS:
- climb Everest
- bake my own dang red velvet cake
- live all by my lonesome
- earn me some paper
- lesbian experience
- speed dating (just for fun, y'all)
- sing the national anthem for a packed stadium
- throw the opening pitch
- get published
- participate in the running of the bulls

LASTS
- time I say it's 2009 and be telling the truth
- get into a girl fight at a gay bar (it's not worth it)
- get caught with my pants down (figuratively)
- put my fist through a wall
- get the Spanish flu
- lose at Jenga, checkers, or dance competitions

This list is not comprehensive. Duh. Ok, I'm tired of typing. My fingers are still numb from punching that wall after I lost at Jenga.

<3, Jenni. Follow me on Twitter!

I'm Feeling Philosophical

Every once in a while, I seem to get all philosphical and in-your-face about me being so philosophical. Today was one such day. It was actually this evening, as I curled up next to my friend Monica on the couch. The Bender Ball infomercial was playing in the background and scents of oreo cookies and margarita salt filled my nares. It was then that I sort of/kind of/not really had this "lightbulb moment," as they call it. I realized that if one wanted to fulfill one's hopes and dreams, one had to 1) get off the couch, and 2) call UEI. Maybe it was a higher power speaking, maybe it was my lower bowels a-rumbling--I'll never know. But one thing I do know is that my future is safe. Thanks, UEI.

Know Jennifer

You know how it is said that one should "Know [her]self?" Well I think I have just taken that to the next level. To explain what I fully mean would take ludicrous amounts of cyber space, so I'm not even going to go there. But I feel that I should provide just a teensy bit o' explanation, since I so effectively captured your attention when I said that I took knowing one's self to a whole new level. And to the perverts and derelicts out there, please, get your minds out of the stinking gutter.

Anyway, yesterday was pretty busy. Between classes and clinicals and errands and taking the kids to soccer and ballet and making a drug run to Nashua, I was able to sneak in some "me time" right before I lay my head down to sleep. I cyber-wandered onto my Facebook account and immediately searched for a new Top 5 list to add to my top 5 favourite lists. I searched for the better part of an hour, but all my efforts were in vain. So I decided to come up with my own list, which I present here:

Jennifer's Top 5 Favourite Smells and Scents

5. cinnamon bunnies
4. oven cleaner
3. sampaguita flower
2. victory
1. my own farts, trapped in my slanket

And there you have it. You, too, have reached a whole new level in knowing Jennifer.

This just in, y'all.

First of all, let me just say "Do it to it." Second, it's like, you know, whatever. Last, I'd like to make a shout out to my mom, who is sitting next to me on this bench in the waiting room. Hi mom. Now that that's out of the way, I can move on to the main portion of this post. The "meat," if you will. 1) Make up and 2) turquoise and 3) myspace.com.

Luv, Jenni and Tom