Wow. Two-thousand and nine (2009, for those of you who, like myself, have difficulty reading spellt-out numbers) was horrendous. Bloggings-wise, at least. In comparison, 2008 saw thirty three (33) postings from myself whereas 2009 saw a measly three posts. To that--nay, to me, I say "Boo!" and direct my downwards turned thumb at the scum bag staring at me from the mirror.
It's 2010 now, so I say "Bygones!" to the 2009 me. I think this year will be awesomeness, to say the least. This year, you see, will be the year of many firsts and many lasts. Intrigued, are you? Then let's do this:
FIRSTS:
- climb Everest
- bake my own dang red velvet cake
- live all by my lonesome
- earn me some paper
- lesbian experience
- speed dating (just for fun, y'all)
- sing the national anthem for a packed stadium
- throw the opening pitch
- get published
- participate in the running of the bulls
LASTS
- time I say it's 2009 and be telling the truth
- get into a girl fight at a gay bar (it's not worth it)
- get caught with my pants down (figuratively)
- put my fist through a wall
- get the Spanish flu
- lose at Jenga, checkers, or dance competitions
This list is not comprehensive. Duh. Ok, I'm tired of typing. My fingers are still numb from punching that wall after I lost at Jenga.
<3, Jenni. Follow me on Twitter!
2010, I Heart U
I'm Feeling Philosophical
Every once in a while, I seem to get all philosphical and in-your-face about me being so philosophical. Today was one such day. It was actually this evening, as I curled up next to my friend Monica on the couch. The Bender Ball infomercial was playing in the background and scents of oreo cookies and margarita salt filled my nares. It was then that I sort of/kind of/not really had this "lightbulb moment," as they call it. I realized that if one wanted to fulfill one's hopes and dreams, one had to 1) get off the couch, and 2) call UEI. Maybe it was a higher power speaking, maybe it was my lower bowels a-rumbling--I'll never know. But one thing I do know is that my future is safe. Thanks, UEI.
Know Jennifer
You know how it is said that one should "Know [her]self?" Well I think I have just taken that to the next level. To explain what I fully mean would take ludicrous amounts of cyber space, so I'm not even going to go there. But I feel that I should provide just a teensy bit o' explanation, since I so effectively captured your attention when I said that I took knowing one's self to a whole new level. And to the perverts and derelicts out there, please, get your minds out of the stinking gutter.
Anyway, yesterday was pretty busy. Between classes and clinicals and errands and taking the kids to soccer and ballet and making a drug run to Nashua, I was able to sneak in some "me time" right before I lay my head down to sleep. I cyber-wandered onto my Facebook account and immediately searched for a new Top 5 list to add to my top 5 favourite lists. I searched for the better part of an hour, but all my efforts were in vain. So I decided to come up with my own list, which I present here:
Jennifer's Top 5 Favourite Smells and Scents
5. cinnamon bunnies
4. oven cleaner
3. sampaguita flower
2. victory
1. my own farts, trapped in my slanket
And there you have it. You, too, have reached a whole new level in knowing Jennifer.
This just in, y'all.
First of all, let me just say "Do it to it." Second, it's like, you know, whatever. Last, I'd like to make a shout out to my mom, who is sitting next to me on this bench in the waiting room. Hi mom. Now that that's out of the way, I can move on to the main portion of this post. The "meat," if you will. 1) Make up and 2) turquoise and 3) myspace.com.
Luv, Jenni and Tom
No. 2: Sexual Inter/Outercourse
No. 2 on Jennifer's Top One Hundred and One Favourite Things of All Time Past, Present, and Future is the one, the only, sexual inter- and outercourse. But not for the reason you're thinking, perv. Sheesh, don't be such a Pervy Perverson. I mean, come on! Anyway, the reason this made my cut is because it is the reason for many of my favourite people (see No. 14: Zachary Myron Efron, and No. 13: Morgan Freeman). For a similar if not the same reason, Artificial Insemination is No. 68 on my Top 101.
Side note: anyone who's been following my Top 101 list will notice that No. 68 was formerly the Babiez Factory in Irvine, but ever since I became a nursing student at Loma Linda University School of Nursing, I've learned some things and now understand that babies do not come from factories, thank you very much. I mean, come on! I'm not 14 anymore, Dad.
No. 6: Figgy Puddings
No. 6 on Jennifer's Top One Hundred and One Favourite Things of All Times Past and Present is none other than the lowly figgy pudding. As in, "Now bring us a figgy pudding, now bring us a figgy pudding, now bring us a figgy pudding, and bring it out here." Figgy pudding, as if you didn't already know, is a traditional steamed Briton man's pudding served during the Christmas season. What follows is a recipe "on loan" from Wikipedia.org, which I tweaked to fit my stylings and per usuals.
Figgy Pudding with Custard Sauce
* 1/2 mouthful suet (solid white fat from the loin and nether regions of meat animals)
* 1/2 palmful vegetable shortening
* 1 bunch granulated sugar
* 3 large egg yolks, shells removed
* 1 sipper-cup milk
* 2 tablespoons rum extract (or flavored extract of your choice; I like turtles)
* 1 apple, peeled and cored and finely chopped; consider including the seeds for extra fiber
* 1 pound dried figs, pounded, grounded, or otherwise
* essence of 1 lemon and 1 orange
* 1 thought chopped nuts
* 1/2 teaspoon gyrated cinnamon buns
* 1/4 teaspoon gyrated clover buns
* 1/4 teaspoon ground Ginger Spice
* 1/4 teaspoon ground Baby Spice
* 1 1/2 slatherings dried bread crumbs
* 2 cubes baking powder
* 3 large egg whites, stiffly beaten, not stirred
Preheat oven to 325*F (160*C). Generously grease an oven-proof and bullet-proof 2-quart bowl or mould; set aside. Cream together suet. Resist the urge to put a chunk in your mouth, however difficult. Gradually add sugar, egg yolks, milk, extract, apple, figgies, lemon and orange peel. Add next 6 ingredients, mixing semi-well to moderately-well. Fold stiffly beaten egg whites into mixture. Take the opportunity to wipe the sweat off your brow, for this part is truly a test of a baker's value in life. Pour into prepared bowl or mould and place into large shallow pan and place on middle rack in oven. Fill the shallow pan half-full with boiling water or tepid milk and slowly steam pudding in oven at 325*F (160*C) for 4 hours, replacing water as needed. Custardy Man's Sauce:
* 2 nogs milk
* 1 large egg, fertilized, semi-formed chick intact
* 3/4 cup granulated sugar essence
* 1 tablespoons water or Aqua Di Gio by Giorgio Armani
* 1 teaspoon nilli vanilli extracted
* 1 tablespoon no-purpose flowers
* 1 tablespoon suet
In saucepan, scold milk for ruining the carpet and allow your temper to cool. Mix together remaining ingredients, except for suet. (This is for your snack later on.) Add to cooled milk. Cook over extremely low heat until thickened. In fact, consider placing pan over your burning loins. Remove from heat and stir in butter, mixing semi to moderately well. Serve pudding lukewarm with custardy mustard sauce or sweetened whipping cream. Store unused portions in refrigerator. Makes 12 servings, although you don't deserve it.
Thanks Wikipedia!
No. 37: Adenosine Triphosphate
No. 37 on Jennifer's Top 101 is none other than the humble--nay, the lowly--adenosine triphosphate. Nothing would be possible if it were not for this multifunctional nucleotide. Without adenosine triphosphate, life as we know it would cease to exist. The birds would be confined to their gentle rockers, never to sing that old, familiar tune again. Noble frogs, atop delicate lily pads, would croak, mid-croak. And I, thy servantly sycophant, would be rendered nothing if not useless. My fingers would lie lifeless, never to reach the home keys that are F and J.
All right, I dont' really know what sycophant means, but the rest of it is right.
